If you’re looking for trauma therapy in Maryland, Virginia, or Washington, DC, you may feel stuck in painful relationship patterns that don’t seem to change, no matter how much insight or effort you bring to them.
You may find yourself repeating the same dynamics, such as fear of abandonment, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, or staying guarded, even when you deeply want closeness, connection, and ease.
Relationship trauma doesn’t just live in the past. It lives in the nervous system. That’s why understanding why something happens often isn’t enough to stop it.
This is where trauma-focused therapy and EMDR can help.
When Relationship Trauma Shapes How You Feel, Think, and Connect
Relationship trauma can come from many places:
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Emotionally unavailable or inconsistent caregivers
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Abusive, manipulative, or controlling partners
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Chronic emotional neglect or dismissal
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Betrayal, infidelity, or broken trust
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Repeated breakups, loss, or abandonment
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Being made to feel “too much,” invisible, or unimportant
These experiences don’t just hurt emotionally. They can quietly shape:
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Your sense of self-worth
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How safe you feel with others
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Whether closeness feels comforting or threatening
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How you respond to conflict, distance, or intimacy
Even when the relationship is long over, your body may still react as if it’s happening now.
That reaction isn’t weakness — it’s trauma.
You Might Be Carrying Relationship Trauma If You Notice:
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Anxiety or panic when someone pulls away
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Fear of abandonment or rejection
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Difficulty trusting others — or yourself
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Emotional shutdown or constant hypervigilance
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Chronic people-pleasing or self-sacrifice
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Guilt for having needs or saying no
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Feeling “not enough” or unlovable
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Anger or resentment you can’t let go of
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Feeling stuck in the past
These patterns are not personality flaws.
They are adaptive survival responses that once helped you cope.
Trauma therapy helps your nervous system learn that you are no longer in danger.
Protecting Yourself, Fear of Getting Hurt, and Holding Onto Anger
You may find yourself saying:
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“I’m always waiting for something to go wrong.”
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“I keep my guard up so I don’t get hurt again.”
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“I can’t let go of what they did to me.”
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“I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal.”
Being hurt, betrayed, or abused in relationships can teach your body that closeness equals danger. Protecting yourself can feel safer than risking vulnerability — even when part of you longs for connection.
Anger and emotional walls often develop as a form of self-protection. They make sense. They helped you survive.
Through trauma-focused therapy, it’s possible to:
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Feel safe letting people get close again
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Lower emotional defenses without losing yourself
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Release anger without minimizing what happened
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Feel grounded instead of constantly on edge
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Trust that you’ll be okay — even if a relationship ends
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means no longer living in survival mode.
Fear of Abandonment and Attachment Anxiety
You might recognize thoughts like:
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“If they don’t text back, something is wrong.”
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“I’m afraid people will leave once they know me.”
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“I get attached too quickly.”
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“Being alone feels unbearable.”
Fear of abandonment is often rooted in attachment trauma — experiences where connection felt inconsistent, unpredictable, or unsafe. Your nervous system learned to stay alert, constantly scanning for signs of loss.
This can show up as:
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Overanalyzing texts or conversations
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Panic when someone seems distant
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Reassurance-seeking that never quite works
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Staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone
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Losing your sense of self in relationships
Trauma therapy for attachment anxiety can help you:
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Feel secure even when others are unavailable
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Tolerate uncertainty without spiraling
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Enjoy being alone without feeling empty
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Develop relationships at a natural, comfortable pace
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Feel whole and grounded on your own
Connection stops feeling like an emotional emergency.
People-Pleasing, Self-Sacrifice, and Difficulty Speaking Up
You may notice beliefs such as:
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“I have to put others first to be liked.”
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“I don’t want to be a burden.”
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“I feel guilty saying no.”
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“If I speak up, people will be upset or leave.”
People-pleasing is not about being “too nice.” It’s often a trauma response that developed when your needs were ignored, minimized, or punished.
Over time, this can lead to:
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Burnout and resentment
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Feeling invisible in relationships
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Difficulty knowing what you actually want
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Suppressing anger until it explodes
In trauma-focused therapy, you can learn to:
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Set boundaries without guilt or fear
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Speak up calmly and clearly
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Know when it’s safe to give — and when it’s not
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Prioritize your needs without feeling selfish
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Experience mutual, balanced relationships
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away — they create safety.
Low Self-Worth, Self-Doubt, and Feeling “Not Enough”
Relationship trauma often leaves people feeling:
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“I’m not good enough.”
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“I should be over this by now.”
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“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
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“I’m so hard on myself.”
When your emotions were dismissed or your worth felt conditional, you may have internalized beliefs that limit you long after the relationship ends.
Trauma therapy helps by:
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Targeting the root of self-limiting beliefs
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Reducing shame and harsh self-criticism
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Rebuilding confidence and self-trust
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Helping you reconnect with your authentic self
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Supporting clearer decisions in relationships, work, and life
You don’t need to become someone new — you get to come back to yourself.
How Trauma Therapy and EMDR Help Heal Relationship Trauma
EMDR helps the brain and nervous system reprocess painful experiences so they lose their emotional charge. Memories that once felt overwhelming become less intrusive and less controlling.
EMDR therapy can help with:
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Fear of abandonment and attachment trauma
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Healing after abusive or toxic relationships
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People-pleasing and boundary struggles
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Emotional reactivity or numbness
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Low self-worth and chronic self-doubt
This work is collaborative and carefully paced. You won’t be pushed to relive trauma — you’ll be supported in healing it safely.
About Me
Hi, I'm Kassandra Barry, a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Be Heard Live Well.
I help adults heal from relationship trauma, attachment wounds, fear of abandonment, people-pleasing patterns, and the emotional aftermath of harmful or abusive relationships.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve likely experienced pain in relationships that should have felt safe. You might be wondering if you’ll ever fully heal — or if this is just how life will always feel.
It doesn’t have to be.
I’ve worked with many people to rebuild confidence, restore emotional safety, and create relationships that feel secure and fulfilling.
Kassandra Barry has been a lifeline during during my journey through trauma recovery. She's incredibly knowledgeable and qualified and guided me through the process with clarity and care. Kassandra is a phenomenal listener, always making me feel heard and understood. Her empathy created a safe space where I could process my experiences without feeling judged.
Working with Kassandra at Be Heard Live Well has been transformative. She helped me through the toughest time of my life, she understood what I was going through, and really seemed to care. She listened and made me feel validated and respected. I can't recommend her enough for anyone seeking a compassionate and skilled therapist.